What is this Extreme Hack? It’s a distinct gesture of appreciation at the beginning of the day toward your spouse.
Who is this Extreme Hack for? It’s for anyone who is in a relationship and who wants to greatly improve it with very little effort and time.
5 Problems this Extreme Hack Solved for Me
- No time to talk with my spouse in the morning
- Taking each other for granted
- No smiles and happy faces in the morning
- Missed opportunity for me to provide her with her first greatly positive input of the day
- Having received a positive input, she is more calm and patient with the kids in the morning
My Relationship Audit
Me and my wife are high-school sweethearts.
During our teenage years, I used to write her lengthy poems about roses, sunsets and rainbows.
She used to keep them in a nice soft pink velvet box with a red ribbon.
Yeah, I know… I had butterflies in my stomach… but she served as a great muse for me.
Then, life got tough and I got “serious” and I stopped taking time to be appreciative of her.
The next thing I know, I was taking her for granted. I expected to receive more from her than I was willing to give. I became complacent.
This was a clear sign of not appreciating something valuable – in this case my relationship with her.
One day, it struck me that this behaviour of mine was going to ruin our relationship in the long run.
My rational mind quickly drew a parallel between this situation and something I was working with in my financial auditing practice:
“An asset that is depreciating, becomes less and less valuable until it is worth nothing”.
But, on the other hand…
“An asset that is appreciating, becomes more and more valuable and increases in worth continuously”.
At this point, things became crystal clear: in order to have the best relationship possible, what I needed to do was to appreciate my partner and our relationship.
Now we have two great boys and busy careers, but we still find time to appreciate each other… because what you don’t nurture doesn’t just stand still, but slowly declines and depreciates.
This being said, I get to start each day with the best of energy and emotional state just by taking 5 minutes to write a note to my wife where I acknowledge her for the great partner that she is. Without asking, most of the time I receive her appreciation in return, multiplied.
When I am away, I make sure to send her a text message so that we connect early morning. This is a small daily gesture, but the compounding effect is huge.
The Science Behind This Hack
No meaningful relationship will always work flawlessly all the time. Being too black and white about the quality and health of a relationship spells trouble. There will always be difficulties present, but you can still focus on the good. Insecure people constantly look for signs of what’s not working in their relationships. What you need to do is look for signs of what is.
Having an appreciation for how remarkable your spouse is leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places. So notice their strong qualities, cheer for their victories, and encourage their goals and ambitions. Challenge them to be the best they can be. Every day, acknowledge just how amazing they are.
How Does It Work?
You don’t need to become a card writer for Hallmark. You don’t even need to become a part-time writer. It’s enough to choose from the questions that I will give you and answer from your heart.
Here are some questions that you can answer and put them in the note:
- What compliment have you never made to your spouse?
- What is one trait of your partner that you are glad the he/she has, because you lack it?
- In what way has your spouse pleasantly surprised you in the last days? Why do you appreciate that?
- What compliment would you like to receive from your spouse? So that you can offer it first…
…or if you like something more straightforward, you can use one of these:
The Wrong Way
- You run out of inspiration and miss a morning
- Write more than one note on the “inspired” days and keep them for the “low inspiration” days.
- You stop writing because your spouse is not writing back to you
- If you are willing to wait for a few more days, you will see some changes in your spouse’s behavior. But this is not the purpose of this practice. Do it because it makes you feel great and because you can show daily appreciation for the person you’ve chosen to be your spouse.
- You are reluctant in repeating some of the “greatest hits” from the previous days or weeks… you seek only new stuff
- A belief is carved into our minds after many repetitions. So, actually, you are doing your spouse a favour by repeating some of the ones that had great impact. You reaffirm that you really believe that and it makes you feel grateful often.
This Hack’s Template
Want to change your relationship with your spouse in 100 days ? Write a note to your spouse each day for 100 days straight and feel the love.
To make sure that you don’t miss a day, print out the template below and cross off each day after you’ve written your note.